I'm just making this a quick entry because my brain is all over the place right now, but I just wanted to update to say I'm okay, and I failed yet again. Stupid stupid girl!

Pretty much the same thing happened as last time, except this time I was in Intensive Care longer and spent longer in the Pysch Unit. Also, this time I purged each meal once I was out of the Acute Care section, so I gained no weight this time but I haven't lost any, either.

And now they're on my case so much more, since it was the second "serious attempt" this year. So I now have a Case Worker, Emma, who is actually really nice. I met her the day I discharged and she said she'll see me weekly from next week, but she plans for us to "meet for coffee" and that so isn't going to happen, so I don't know where we'll meet up coz my place is out of the question. They also want to set me up with a private psychologist but nothing's happened with that yet. I am no longer seeing the counsellor I had for over 4 years; I wrote her a note before I OD'd and it's over.

Hospital was shit, but I wish I was still there. I've spent so much money since I got out, and that was only yesterday! Stupid binge food.

It's pretty much a matter of when not if I will try again. The Psych Registrar in hospital told me the more it happens, the longer I'll be in hospital, but that doesn't seem to deter me at the moment. Sure, every day I begged to whoever I could to leave, but I was safe there. Now it's back to massive binges and horrible purges.

It'll be good if Emma can help me a bit, and if they can get me a psychologist. I don't have anyone right now. I've spent more time in hospital than out this year, and I can't seem to get away from this cycle.